New Directions Going Back to Hogwarts
by karoanton
Summary: The New Directions to AVPM.  One-shot, but will expand if people like it enough.


**I've had this idea stuck in my head for a while so I needed to put this into words. The New Directions are performing **_**A Very Potter Musical**_** for the school musical and rehearse the opening number. Set in season 3.**

"And cue music," Emma Pillsbury said into the microphone that sat at the desk in the middle of the McKinley High Auditorium.

On the stage, an acoustic guitar riff started playing and a spotlight lit up to reveal Blaine Anderson on the stage sitting on a suitcase and dressed in wizard clothing, round glasses, and – if you looked close enough – a lightning bolt drawn on his forehead with lipstick.

_**Blaine: **__Underneath these stairs,_

_I hear the snares and feel the glares,_

_Of my cousin,_

_My Uncle, _

_And my Aunt,_

_Can't believe how cruel they are,_

_And it stings my lightning scar,_

_To know they'll never, ever give me what I want,_

_I know I don't deserve these,_

_Stupid rules mad by the Dursleys,_

_Here on Privet Drive,_

_Can't take all of these Muggles,_

_But despite all of my struggles,_

_I'm still alive_

Here Blaine stood up as the music became more upbeat.

_I'm sick of summer and this waiting around,_

_Man, its September and I'm skipping this town,_

_Hey, it's no mystery,_

_There's nothing here for me now,_

_I gotta get back to Hogwarts,_

_I gotta get back to school,_

_I gotta get back to Hogwarts,_

_Where everyone knows I'm cool,_

_Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts,_

_To goblins and ghosts and magical feasts,_

_It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts,_

_Hogwarts,_

_I think I'm going back,_

Piano chords started to join in with the guitar and drums.

_I'll see my friends,_

_Gonna laugh 'til we cry,_

_Take my Firebolt,_

_Gonna take to the sky,_

_No way this year anyone's gonna die,_

_And it's gonna be totally awesome,_

_I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand,_

_Defeat the Dark Arts,_

_Yeah, bring it on!_

_And do it all with my best friend Ron,_

_Cause together we're totally awesome_

Here Finn came onto the stage through a door on one side donning matching wizard robes and a red wig and joined Blaine.

_**Finn:**__ Yeah, cause together we're totally awesome_

Here began part of the dialogue.

**Finn:** Did somebody say Ron?

**Blaine:** Ron, what are you doing here?

**Finn: **Hey man. Sorry it took me so long to get here, I had to get some Floo Powder, but get everything you need and let's get going.

**Blaine:** Where are we going?

**Finn: **To Diagon Alley of course.

**Blaine: **Cool!

**Blaine and Finn: **Floo Powder Power! Floo Powder Power! Floo Powder Power! Floo Powder Power

_**Finn:**__ It's been so long, but we're going back_

_Don't go for work,_

_Don't got there for class,_

_**Blaine:**__ As long as we're together,_

_**Finn:**__ Gonna kick some ass!_

_**Blaine and Finn:**__ And it's gonna be totally awesome,_

_This year we'll take everybody by storm,_

_Stay up all night,_

_Sneak out of our dorm_

Rachel came on stage, once again, also wearing wizard robes, with her hair especially frizzed up, and place herself between Blaine and Finn.

_**Rachel:**__ Let's not forget we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our O.W.L.S._

**Finn:** Aw, Hermione, why do you hafta be such a _buzz kill_?

Here all of the lights came on on the stage.

**Rachel:** Because, guys, school isn't all about fun and games. We have to study hard if we want to become good wizards and witches. Ugh!

_**Rachel:**__ I may be frumpy but I'm super smart,_

_Check out my grades,_

_They're A's for a start,_

_While I lack in looks,_

_Well I make up in heart,_

_And well, guys, yeah, that's totally awesome,_

_This year I plan to study a lot,_

_**Finn:**__ That would be cool if you were actually hot,_

_**Blaine:**__ Hey Ron, come on! *whispers* We're the only friends that she's got,_

_**Finn:**__ And that's cool,_

_**Rachel:**__ And that's totally awesome,_

_**Blaine, Finn and Rachel:**__ Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome!_

Here, they were joined by other members of New Directions as well as other students who had signed up to be part of the ensemble.

_We're sick of summer and this waiting around,_

_It's like we're sitting in the lost and found,_

_Don't take no sorcery,_

_For anyone to see how,_

The ensemble joined in on the singing here as well as a dance routine.

_We gotta get back to Hogwarts,_

_We gotta get back to school,_

_We gotta get back to Hogwarts,_

_Where everything is magic-ooool!_

_Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts,_

_To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts,_

_It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts,_

_Hogwarts,_

_I think we're going back_

The trio started to walk towards the other side of the stage when Kurt, once again in wizard robes, came onto the stage wearing a long, red wig.

**Kurt:** Ron, you're supposed to take me to Madame Malkins and use those Sickles Mom gave you for my robe fittings.

**Blaine:** Who's this?

**Finn:** Oh, this is stupid, little, dumb sister, Ginny. She's a freshman. Ginny this is Harry…Harry Potter.

**Kurt:** Oh, you're Harry Potter. You're the boy who lived!

**Blaine:** Yeah, and you're Ginny.

**Kurt:** It's Ginevra.

**Blaine: **Cool. Ginny's fine.

**Finn: **Stupid sister! *claps hands in Kurt's face* Don't crowd the famous friend.

**Rachel:** Wait, do you guys hear music?

**Blaine:** Music, what are you talking about?

**Finn:** Yeah, someone's coming- ohh!

Here, three girls – Tina, Brittany, and Santana – came on stage in a line in that order with their hands held together in front of their chests.

_**Tina, Brittany, and Santana:**__ Cho Chang,_

_Domo arigato,_

_Cho Chang,_

_Gung Hey Fat Choy, Chang_

_Happy Happy New Year,_

_Cho Chang_

**Kurt:** Who's that?

**Blaine:** That's Cho Chang.

**Finn:** That's the girl Harry's _totally_ been in love with since freshman year.

**Rachel:** Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.

**Finn:** Well, yeah, you never tell a girl you like her – it makes you look like an idiot.

Here, Kurt approaches the three girls and taps on Tina's shoulder.

**Kurt:** Konichiwa, Cho Chang. It is good to meet you. I'm Ginny Weasley.

**Tina:** Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!

**Finn:** That's Lavender Brown! *claps hands* Racist sister!

**Santana:** Hey, it's alright! I'm Cho Chang, y'all.

**Blaine: **She is _totally_ perfect.

**Finn:** Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?

**Blaine:** Wait, who the hell is Cedric Diggory?

Here, Sam walked onto the stage as Cedric and pushed his way between Finn and Blaine, knocking them over.

_**Sam:**__ Cho Chang,_

_I am so in love with Cho Chang,_

_From Bangkok,_

_To Ding Dang,_

_I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang_

Sam, Santana, Tina, and Brittany then ran off stage.

**Blaine:** I _hate_ that guy!

**Finn:** *to Kurt* So are we gonna get those robes or not?

**Kurt:** OK, alright, I'm going!

**Finn:** God!

The four of them all walked of stage while Artie wheeled from the same side. Mike Chang and Lauren Zises came from the other side.

**Mike:** Present your arm, nerd!

**Artie:** Wh-what?

**Mike:** INDIAN BURN HEX!

**Artie:** aaaaah!

Blaine and the other three walk back on stage.

**Blaine:** Ugh, Crabbe and Goyle!

**Kurt: ***to Artie* Hey, are you OK?

**Blaine:** Hey, why don't you guys leave Neville Longbottom alone!

**Mike:** Well, well, well. If it isn't Harry Potter? You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!

**Blaine:** No, I just don't think it's cool that guys your size are picking on guys like Neville!

**Mike:** Oh, well you know what I think? I think that glasses are for nerds!

Mike took the fake glasses off of Blaine and pretended to break them.

**Blaine:** Oh no!

**Mike: **We hate nerds!

**Lauren:** And girls!

**Finn:** You asked for it. You don't mess with Harry Potter. He defeated the Dark Lord when he was a baby!

**Rachel:** Alright, everyone just _calm down_. _Occulus reparo!_

Blaine, who was now holding the "broken" glasses now put them back on.

**Blaine:** Woah, cool!

**Rachel:** Now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone!

**Quinn:** *offstage* Did someone say Draco Malfoy?

Quinn then walked onto the stage with the same wizard robes, while also wearing a blonde wig with much shorter hair than what she already had.

**Finn:** What do you want, Draco?

**Quinn:** Crabbe, Goyle, be a doll and go pay for my robes will you?

Quinn reached into her pocket and handed Mike some paper that was meant to be fake money. Then she walked back to where Rachel, Finn, Kurt, and Blaine were standing.

**Quinn:** So, Potter. Back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up with a higher calibre of wizard.

**Blaine:** Hey, listen Malfoy, Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world – I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Blaine had put his arms around Finn and Rachel, and when Kurt attempted to join them, Finn pushed him away.

**Quinn:** Have it your way then. *to Kurt* Wait, don't tell me. Red hair, a hand-me-down robe, and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley.

**Finn: **Hey, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, but she's _my_ pain in the ass.

**Quinn: **Well, isn't this cute. It's like a little loser family. Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs this year. Luckily, next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts.

_**Quinn:**__ This year you bet I'm gonna get outta here,_

_The reign of Malfoy is drawing near,_

_I'll have the greatest wizard career,_

_And it's gonna be totally awesome,_

_Look out world,_

_For the dawn of the day,_

_Where everyone will do whatever I say,_

_And that Potter won't be in my way,_

_And then I'll be the one who is totally awesome,_

_**Mike:**__ Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome,_

**Rachel:** Guys, come on, we're gonna miss the train!

The full ensemble of Hogwarts students came onto the stage.

_**All:**__ Who knows how fast this year's gonna go,_

_Hand me a glass,_

_Let the butterbeer flow,_

_**Blaine:**__ Maybe, at last, I'll talk to Cho,_

_**Finn:**__ Oh, no, that'd be WAY TOO AWESOME!_

_**All:**__ We're back to learn everything we can,_

_It's great to come back to where we began,_

_And here we are,_

_And alakazam!_

_Here we go,_

_This is totally awesome!_

_Come on and teach us everything you know,_

_The summer's over and we're itching to go,_

_I think we're ready for,_

_**Artie:**__ Albus Dumbledore!_

_**All:**__ AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH!_

Here everyone made their way to different sides of the stage where benches had been placed them while Mr. Schuester made his way onto the stage in his Dumbledore costume and sang a very long note.

_**Mr. Schue:**__ all of you to Hogwarts,_

_I well come all of you to school,_

_Did you know that here at Hogwarts?_

_We have a hidden swimming pool,_

_Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts,_

_Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools,_

_Now that you're all here at Hogwarts,_

**Mr. Schue:** I'd just like to go over a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am headmaster at Hogwarts. You may all call me Dumbledore. Of course you can also call me Albus if you wanted detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus.

_**All: **__Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts,_

_To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts,_

_It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts,_

_Hogwarts,_

_Back to spells and enchantments,_

_Potions and friends,_

_To Griffindors!_

_Hufflepuffs!_

_Ravenclaws!_

_And Slytherins!_

_Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts,_

_Hogwarts,_

_**Mr. Schue:**__ I'm sorry, what's its name?_

_**All:**__ Hogwarts, Hogwarts,_

_**Mr. Schue:**__ I can't hear you kids,_

_**All:**__ Hogwarts, Hogwarts,_

_**Blaine:**__ Man, I'm glad I'm back._

**I hope you all liked it. That's the longest thing I've ever written page length-wise. It was 10 pages on Word. If I get enough reviews, I'll write an expanded version where we see the New Directions perform some other songs from AVPM and AVPS.**

**Blaine Anderson – **_**Harry Potter**_

**Finn Hudson – **_**Ron Weasley**_

**Rachel Berry – **_**Hermione Granger**_

**Kurt Hummel – **_**Ginny Weasley**_

**Tina Cohen-Chang – **_**Lavender Brown**_

**Brittany S. Pierce – **_**Pansy Parkinson**_

**Santana Lopez – **_**Cho Chang**_

**Mike Chang – **_**Vincent Crabbe**_

**Lauren Zises – **_**Gregory Goyle**_

**Quinn Fabray – **_**Draco Malfoy**_

**Artie Abrams – **_**Neville Longbottom**_

**Mr. Schuester – **_**Albus Dumbledore**_


End file.
